Gaining more than just weight

I knew I'd gained weight before I knew it. But when I arrived home Sunday afternoon and tried on my favorite pair of orange pants, the truth was confirmed. I'd worked hard to lose that weight and gaining it back sucked for the obvious reasons but also because it was a failure. I'm super competitive (most obviously with myself) and I take failure seriously. Admitting failure out loud is also hard but more than that, it's a wake-up call that in addition to weight gain, I'd also gained complacency. I'd become used to not offering out my own vulnerability in my work the way that I have in the past. And that hits just as hard.

For some women, vulnerability is their platform, like Glennon over at Monastery for example. Everything about Glennon is an act of vulnerability. She brings it all, all the time. But for me, I live and work from a place of empathetic authenticity. For me that means showing up (as much for me as for you) + offering my vulnerability + speaking my truth in hopes that it helps or gives permission. I've been showing up and speaking but offering my vulnerability faded, unnoticed. Not by you, though. You notice the difference because you resonate less with the post/update/Tweet. Rants can be entertaining but watch the "likes", shares or comments when you post a photo of yourself in a bikini for the world to see. Or share your c-section scar. Or talk about the river of grief in which you are still treading water.

Habits that are hard to maintain are easy to lose sight of...whether that's living healthily or being vulnerable. I know where I went off the path (half the battle, so yay) but now I need to make the changes so I don't veer off again. One way to do that is to bring me into it. To ask myself before I write or post if my experience, my story, is in there. Brene Brown says, "Story is our way home." in _Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted_. For starters, I'll use that as my compass. Telling our own story is always a vulnerable act. It's not practical to always have me in there but it can be a double-check where there wasn't one before.

The practice, where I'm starting now (again) is the most important part of becoming who I want to be, Seth Godin says here. So, I'll do better. That practice (and the promise in it) is as much for my own growth and business as it is for you, on whatever end of the life seesaw you're balancing now. Because I want to be the woman who owns her story and in doing so, help others listen to and own theirs. Thank you for reading.

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Posted on December 1, 2015 and filed under Healthy Living, Personal Identity, Work.