I've been doing a lot of noticing recently. Just stopping where I am and listening to what's being said or not being said. (I talk about language that I've been noticing women use in next week's newsletter so subscribe to that if you don't already.) There's something that I'm not hearing though: women speaking their truths.
When's the last time you called someone out on their shit? Any shit? An ignorant comment on Facebook, the way that they qualify a statement that they make, language that is sexist or racist, or the horrible, "it's all okay" / "it's all good." / "I'm fine." statements that you hear after the litany of what is not going well. Most of the time you don't say anything. Or if you do, you murmur consolingly in a low voice. Maybe even offer a hug. But you don't want to make waves or challenge someone, especially a friend, right? So you remain silent, allowing your truth to linger unsaid.
But there's a big problem with that:
Staying silent or not speaking your truth doesn't allow you to grow.
When you speak your truth, you prioritize being in integrity with yourself. That presents as kinder self-talk, more confident decisions and less fear..among other things. You grow as a person when you speak your truth because you are actively engaging in the world, instead of watching it go by unchallenged because you aren't willing to share your wisdom with the ones you know need it.
I've trained hundreds of crisis line volunteers during my time. One thing that I've often told them is this: there's a lot you can say to someone -more than you would ever imagine- if you speak from a place of love. A place of love. Your truth won't harm if you speak from that place of love, deep in your heart. It may surprise or startle someone but they won't be irrevocably harmed by your truth when speaking out of love.
Staying quiet keeps you small, manageable, predictable and stagnant. Not bold, brave, passionate, remarkable or unique. Not someone who prizes learning in theory but not in practice. Which group would you rather be in? Which group are you in?*
Speak your truth often. Say it from a place of love. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat daily.
If you need some help figuring out the words for that truth or how to speak from a place of love, I got ya! The Pandora Passport - a group coaching experience and the place to get unstuck - starts October 20 in Durham. Ask me for the code for a $15 off coupon.
*If your answers differ on these questions, you have a values disconnect. We address how that impacts your life, mood, health and how to fix it in The Pandora Passport.